Cognitive Distortions

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Mom Brain vs. Thought Traps: Cognitive Distortions We All Have

Let’s be real: being a mom means your brain rarely gets a break. Between mental checklists, emotional juggling, and trying to meet everyone’s needs (while forgetting your coffee in the microwave for the third time), your thoughts can get loud, messy, and downright mean.

In this week’s podcast episode of Moms Gone Mental, we tackled cognitive distortions—those sneaky, distorted ways of thinking that feel true but aren’t always rooted in reality. And guess what? We all have them. You're not alone if you’ve ever thought:

“I should be more patient.”“I never do anything right.”“If I can’t do it perfectly, why even try?”

You’re Probably “Shoulding” on Yourself

One of the most common distortions we talked about is called “shoulding” on yourself (and yes, we’re keeping it clean—sort of 😉). These are the unrealistic rules and expectations we put on ourselves:

• “I should enjoy every moment with my kids.”

• “I should be able to handle this without help.”

• “I should be doing more.”

• "He should want to get the groceries"

• "She should just know what to do"

When we “should” ourselves to death, we’re piling on shame and guilt. It doesn’t motivate us—it drains us. These thoughts often come from external pressures or unrealistic standards of motherhood (thanks, Instagram-perfect moms). It's okay to replace “should” with “could” or “want to”—it puts you back in control.

Jen’s All-or-Nothing Thinking Spiral

During the episode, Jen opened up about how easy it is to fall into all-or-nothing thinking. Also, placing people in an all bad or all good category. This is the black-and-white mindset that says:

• “He never does the dishes or helps out with the laundry”

• “I am a bad mother because I yelled at the kids”

Sound familiar? All-or-nothing thinking is exhausting and unrealistic—because life (especially mom life) lives in the gray. You don’t have to be perfect to be doing a good job. Jen challenged herself to notice when she’s stuck in this pattern and gently remind herself that progress over perfection is more than a mantra—it’s a lifeline.

Joy’s Reality Check: Where’s the Evidence?

Joy brought up a powerful CBT tool during the episode: collecting evidence. When a negative thought pops up—“My friend never texted back, she must hate me”—she asks herself:

What’s the actual evidence for this thought? Did they tell her they H8T her?

This technique helps break the automatic cycle of believing every thought that floats through your head. Often, we’re building a case against ourselves with very little real evidence—but we can start collecting facts that support our strengths, not just our fears.

Final Thoughts: You're Not Broken, Just Human

Cognitive distortions are a normal part of how our brains cope with stress, anxiety, and overwhelm. The goal isn’t to get rid of every distorted thought—it’s to start noticing them, questioning them, and giving ourselves grace.

So the next time your inner voice tells you you’re not doing enough, pause. Breathe. Ask yourself:

• Is this thought 100% true? or is it just a thought

• Am I thinking in absolutes?

• Am I wearing kaleidoscope glasses?

• Would I talk to a friend this way?

Because you deserve compassion too—especially from yourself.

Want to go deeper? Listen to the full episode of Moms Gone Mental: Don’t Believe Everything You Think and join Jen and Joy as they normalize the mental chaos of motherhood with humor, honesty, and a whole lot of heart.